Strict father makes family take 'Navy showers' when visiting their house, call out son-in-law's 20 minute showers: 'This is a ridiculous rule for well-off people to impose'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jan 13, 2025 1:00 PM EST

A shower is a safe space. It's where you can return at the end of a long, hard day and know that you can come out a new person. It can turn around your mood as quickly as anything. Sometimes, taking a shower is the peak of the pleasure you'll experience that day. Pretty recently, the hot water in my apartment was out for around 2 weeks, and it was a low point in my mental health. Without the relief of a hot shower, anxiety, and tension can build unfettered, not to mention grime. 

I understand why some folks emphasize the need for cold showers. It can make you feel like you've accomplished something at the start of the day, which is a great hump to get over. I'm sure it also has benefits for your immune system, inflammation, and all that good stuff. But I'm sorry, I need my hot showers or else… you won't like me. 

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  • When you're living with your parents, or in this case, visiting your parents, do they have control over what kind of showers you're taking? If they're the ones paying the utility bill, do they have the ultimate say over what goes on in their showers? Those are the questions that came up in this story. Read on for the details and see what you think. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10454287616
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA: Navy Showers at Parent's House

    Am I the ah le Navy Shower Edition. I (33F) am married to my husband (42M). We have two young boys under 5 and live out of state from my parents. It's about a three hour drive to their house and we visit fairly often. They have a larger home in a beautiful neighborhood and they have very well paying jobs. Since we have
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    young kids, we often stay for the whole weekend. My dad (58M) is ex-military and grew up taking "Navy Showers" as he calls them. My grandfather always made my dad and his brothers as well as anyone else who stayed at their house take them as well. It's essentially a regular shower except you turn the water off when you're soaping yourself up and shampooing your hair. So you'll
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    turn the water on to start the shower then turn the water off to soap up and shampoo your hair and then turn the water back on to rinse off. My grandfather always said it saved tons of water and was efficient. Growing up, I always thought it was ridiculous because it just meant you were standing there freezing while the water was off for half your shower. My dad always rolled his eyes over it too.
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    Just this past weekend though, he told my husband and I that we needed to start taking navy showers when we visited. He said my husband takes too long of a shower while he's there and it's wasting water so he wants us both to do them. He and my mom both shower that way everyday because he believes it saves water and is better for their septic system. It should be noted that my husband is not taking long, luxurious
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    showers for fun. He is balding and shaves his head in the shower every morning to prevent stubble. His showers are roughly 20 minutes long and again, it's because he has to shave his head. Anyway, my dad told us this and we both politely said okay. However, later in the day he brought it up again and I told him I thought it was a little ridiculous to stand in a freezing shower without water just to save, at most, 2
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    minutes worth of water. Not to mention my husband would be turning the water on and off every time he needed to rinse his razor. My dad just repeated that we, but especially my husband, takes too long of a shower. He claims my husband takes 30-45 minute showers while he's there. I explained that my husband has never taken that long of a shower and that it's a little weird to be
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    monitoring the length of our showers. I told him that it makes us both, but especially my husband, feel awkward and we both feel like we are being judged. He wouldn't budge and just repeated he wanted us to shower that way while at his house because he believed it was better. We, of course, respected what he said and did the navy showers this weekend, but AITA or is it actually a ridiculous request?
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    It should also be noted that we all live in the Midwest and it was 12 degrees out this weekend with snow and they keep their house at 67 in the winter so standing in a shower when you're completely wet without the water running really s ks. My parents are well off so it's not a money issue either. I don't mention them being well off to say that therefore money doesn't matter. I just wanted to provide context.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters were split on whether or not this was a reasonable request

    Katiew84 • 14h ago "Dad, this is how normal people shower. If you want us to visit you we need to be able to take regular showers. We will give you $20 each time we visit to go toward your water bill. $20 is more than enough. If it's not about the money, then it's about
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    control. I'm not a child and you will not control my showers. If I can't shower like I need to, we will not stay with you or visit you ever again. We aren't taking navy showers. Not at your house nor anywhere else."
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    Hegemonic_Smeg... • 14h ago NTA. Stop visiting, or stay in a hotel. Considering that your father is well-off, his demand makes him an a h le. If he asks why you aren't visiting or are staying in a hotel, tell him "because you're a host."
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    MadameAllura • 13h ago . NTA and this is a ridiculous rule for well-off people to impose on house guests. If it were me, I wouldn't continue to stay at their home. It sounds more like an issue of control than of economy.
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    Having said that... I will add that a man taking a 20-minute shower daily because he "has" to shave his head in the shower is beyond ridiculous. to me. Shave your head at the sink and take the 5-10 minute non-Navy shower that other average humans do.
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    gordo0620 • 14h ago . Twenty minutes isn't a quick shower.
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    Possible_Day_6343 • 13h ago I seem to be in the minority but 20 minute showers are excessively long and water is a resource. Your husband doesn't have to shave his head in the shower, that's adding an immense amount of water to usage. Having said that I live on tank water in Australia.
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    Ok_Illustrator5694 . 14h ago My husband shaves his head at the sink when he shaves his face - has a handy mirror. Then he takes his shower which gets his head rinsed off. No need to run the water for 20 minutes. That is excessive! That said, if you don't like your parents' house rules, don't stay at their house. NAH
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    Octarine42 13h ago • NAH - but stop kidding yourself that your husband isn't taking "Hollywood" showers (it's what we called em in the Navy). There are totally times that I take a twenty minute shower, but I don't kid myself that I'm not soaking up the hot water for half of that.
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    myshellly • 14h ago NTA. I would tell them they are welcome to have rules, but if this is a house rule we won't be visiting anymore.
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    anyname6789 · 13h ago YTA. Showering as your parents prefer will in fact use let water, less energy to heat the water, and put less waste water in the septic. This is also how we showered in the Army when in hot, dry places with limited water. Since it is your parents' house, it is
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    reasonable for them to set rules, even if you don't agree with them. Either stay somewhere else, follow their rules, or try to come to an agreement with them. As a bald man, I can verify that it is not necessary to shave your head in the shower. I have been shaving
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    my head in the sink daily for years, and never had a problem. I only turn the water on to wet my head, or to rinse the razor. Perhaps your husband could do that before he steps into the shower, then take a reasonable 10 minute shower instead of his "luxurious shower". TBF, 20 minutes is a pretty long shower, especially as a guest. in someone else's house.
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    Dragon_Fire_Skye • 14h ago Sorry but your parents' house, their rules. I'm not a fan of "Navy showers" either. So, if you don't like them you can stay at a hotel and take hour-long showers if you want. BTW, I take long showers and 20 minutes IS a long shower.
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    mgabatasrachege... . 13h ago YTA. your parents are saving water, energy and the environment and giving your family a place to stay, sleep and eat on the regular. Dude is balding but it still takes him that long to shave his head?
    via u/mgabatasrachegesetz

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